Work drinks Friday and then missed a dance but met randomly with knots of friends normally only seen at Festivals. Odd to see them in the dark of London. It was the type of evening that finishes at The Dublin Castle. We finished at The Dublin Castle. I walked over hill and under dell and got home at 5am. I think it's what one calls a bender!
Burn's night party yesterday. Haggis, whisky, and far from maddening neighbours in London. A chocolate fountain featured heavily, and I know you won't believe this; but melted chocolate goes really well on raw broccoli. It's called Chocky-Brocky. The Awful Poo Lady wouldn't agree!
I'm reading Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman, and today on Storypeople I saw this. I've been reflective during my two 3 hour journeys to and from the coast for haggis. I have had time to stop and stare. I even took some pictures of what I was staring at. I miss my own computer. It's fast and its big and it's black and it's mine. I miss being able to come in and relax. But I've been missing that for a long long time. I miss having a place to be, a place to hide, a place to stay, a place to just.... be myself. A door to shut. I miss my old flat in Alperton. I was alone there, with the odd maroon bathroom suite that showed the tiniest splash, and the "Terrific Turquoise"(tm) kitchen. But I wasn't happy then either. I'm happier now than I was then, less confused, more analytical, more...Grown Up.
I wonder if I'll ever settle, or always be like Holden Caulfield, forever clutching at straws in low life bars with velvet joke seating, or wandering through the sewer like Richard-Richard-Mayhew-Dick from Neverwhere. In and out of jobs, easily bored, easily hated, easily drunk and easily fooled. I wonder who am I? Do I have a spark of intelligence, or is it just idiocy to big myself up, am I flattering myself, in, what is after all, a web log here on the net for everyone to read. Nobodies reading about nobodies. Sure, I can read and write, but I've hardly made a super success of my life. Do I stand out from the crowd because I'm different or because I'm a fool?
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