Enormous Spiders

I found this spider in my garden and thought it was huge. But no, no, an even larger one was lying in wait for me this morning in the bathroom. It was not stripy but it was big enough to talk. And jet black, so large you could easily distinguish its thorax from its abdomen, and its jaws, and boy, those legs!!!! It is the second spider (I'm shivering as I write this) that I've found in my bathroom this weekend. I think they are trying to steal my easter eggs. Mr D had just left... and I'm ashamed to say that I came over all girlie and unable to cope with the sheer size of the thing (I mean, what if it's LEGS didn't fit into the catching implement? what if one fell OFF?) and I rang him on his mobile to ask him to come and get rid of it for me. Mr Sir D used to keep a spider in one house, in his bathroom, you see, called Shelob. It was so enormous that it ensured the complete privacy of the bathroom to Sir himself. He is not afraid of spiders. But I am. Yes I am!