Amazonite Decisions

This particular entry was supposed to be here on the 2nd September. It would appear I've been busy. See the picture of the amazonite beads above these words? That’s nowhere NEAR the amount of threading and making I have to do. Think, like, ten times that. But that’s today.

2nd September

This entry was going to be about the Sree Krishna restaurant and it's moist flying saucer-breads called Iddly. Then it was going to be titled "Turning 31" and have something about my realisation of the reality of increasing weight, related to the relief of unhooking an over-tight bra strap after a day of dance. The breeze was gorgeous.

But this entry is about decisions. I look back on all the decisions I've made, tonight, at 1.23 am, indeed practically every night at about that time, and they all seem wrong. Not just a bit pants, or perhaps not-such-a-great-idea, but really big mistakes. I wrote a massive list of them, with WRONG typed next to each little fact, like a teacher's mark. I realised after a while it read not like an exam page, but like a Reality CV. A timeline of stuff I've done, stuff I've got Wrong. A William Shatner version of the song of my life story.

But there are gaps. There are achievements I have made, things I'll also never forget; as well as, and naturally and of course normally, directly alongside and even related to the mistakes. I'm not sure if this is rocket science, or something I've just never realised. Perhaps mistakes are necessary, no matter how huge they are. No matter how humungous and big and looming and eclipsing they may seem, next year, they'll be that much farther away.

In writing the list out, I was examining myself, in a way, and expecting to fail. Perhaps I need to write a list of things I have got right. It won't be as long but it will make more uplifting reading!