Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Jack in the Green, Jack in the Green, his name is Jack and he is green.

Tonight I have mostly been decorating things to take with me to Jack in the Green, a festival-like tradition in Hastings which happens every year on this coming Bank Holiday. Much morris is danced, a lot of green body paint gets used up and all involved generally have a raucous time of it to welcome in the spring. This year I have not only decorated a 0.6L plastic tankard (for pineapple and sodas, honest) but also my leg and a dozen plastic tiaras for my morris team. They don't want to wear them, but I don't care. I wanted to get them, so YAH BOO SUCKS. Someone will like them. They are all different colours now. Its the 25th (silver) anniversary and I never ever miss an opportunity to dress up, however small :)
For anyone wondering who will be wearing the pink overdone tiara, its me, and the one with the FIMO green man on it is for Marti- the real Queen of the May, as seen here in the gay bogies on acid website. (Bogies are Jack's* cohorts), every inch of them is green. No kidding.
I shall mainly be taking photographs and trying not to be miserable.

*Jack is a dancing tower of leaves who gets slain at the top of the hill to release the spirit of summer.

Monday, April 28, 2008


Well this site has had me laughing my tits off for the last half hour after being sent a clipping from the Guardian by Alison.
Go there!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The best learning process ever

I mean, its been a real eye opener, to quote a cliche. Being of limited movement, that is. For instance here:
This young lady says it better then me in lots of ways.
I do miss things like heels and being able to pop to the kitchen, and above all I've realised today that I'm quite frightened of never being quite right again. I'm frightened I've ruined my little foot that turned out to be so fragile forever. And the other one- its all a bit swollen up and looks a touch overworked. Will I always walk with a limp? And is that my fault? Is the whole thing? how accidental are accidents?

Friday, April 18, 2008

Pop camtastic

Hey pop dudes!!! look at THIS!!!!
4 tiny coloured lenses take pictures and they come out in all different colours!! And all at slightly different times! no batteries, just pure weird motion-capture.
It takes ordinary film and it puts a smile on the face of all developing places. Now I'm hell bent on collecting sweetie wrappers to create a coloured flash for my SLR :)
And all for £8 delivered!!!!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Chiselling time

Chiselling time at the edges, time itself that is, actually chipping away at it to make events and things fit in, rather than time to begin chiselling. Is what I have been doing.
I think I can confidently say that when I began to harm myself, I never thought I'd be in an educational DVD on the subject, imparting my insights and my odd thoughts, and I also never thought that DVD would be filmed on primrose hill, or that I would get there on crutches.
But there you are- these things happen over an inevitable unfolding of time, a bit like the slow deconstruction of a complex origami model, unfolding part by unexpectedly complex part.

In the increasingly chilly wind, sat on the grass among daisies, I explained how tattoos outline my body and define me and in that way they are more important to me than any "fashion statement". They state my name in pictures, who I am, written on me in indelible ink, they don't make me an individual, but they confirm that I am here, I am solid, the fact that I can permanently mark my physical self confirms that. Self harm is different. Its violent. It gets out what is inside and the marks left state nothing but distress. Its not pretty, its not just a weird habit, its a coping mechanism thats a bit on the extreme side. Tattoos are for decoration. End of.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Not giving up giving up.

Alright, enough already. So my high score is now zero. But I went up to eleven! Every time I have a drink I remember that fall---- and I don't want another one. Another drink that is. Or another fall come to that. After the first sweet, cold beer after an 11 day break, the rest (few and farbetween) have been- well, ordinary. I don't drink on weeknights. And I can't get drunk on crutches, anyway. V dangerous. And it disturbs my sleep. I wake up each hour if I have wine, and at 2am if I have beer (like there is a difference. yeah right)
I became a sunny person without it, and I'm not going to give that up. Lets raise a toast (a piece of toast) to being happier without whine (sic)

Wednesday, April 02, 2008


I am seeing humanity in all its facets whilst I'm in plaster, albeit purple plaster. Pictured here balanced attractively on the front of my borrowed mobility trolley (quad bike, actually) in the supermarket. From the taxi driver who cannot be bothered to pull any further towards the cash machine, to the one who hops out to open and shut the door, and even the one who hauls me in and out by the armpits. This morning on the tube I was kindly given a seat by a man with lots of luggage, then, a woman on a mobile phone tripped over my toes, twisting the leg in the cast and causing me to scream and yell "Jesus" involuntarily. It was surprisingly painful. She sat down next to me, mumbled sorry, continued her conversation and a couple of stops later as I popped some more painkillers out of the packet and continued to nurse my leg, she simply moved seats and sat further down the carriage to continue her conversation. I was amazed.
What a cow! Did her parents never teach her it is wrong to kick an injured person and walk away? I thought it was basic.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

beating my High Score on Beerswiller II

My high score on Diamond Twister, a game on my mobile, is over 50,000. Every time I do well on the "endless" mode, I want to do better. I have thus far kept off the drink for a week: Sunday to Sunday, since the accident, now 9 days ago. Last night I went to the pub. And I did not drink beer. I did not want to drink beer. No one tried to make me drink beer. I beat my high score. My score is now 9. Days. And I got the best answer on the crossword (Ozymandias). And I still want more! Bring it on. I can do this. On crutches.